Afraid to Love
by crzydanclvr
Summary: Five troubled teenagers brought together by their puzzling situations. They've all been hurt in some way, but here's the story of their struggle to regain part of what they've lost. CxC MxD Full Summary inside!
1. Rooftop Memories

**okay, here's my newest story! But first two things: **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything **

**Summary: Five troubled teenagers are brought together by their losses. They've all been hurt in some way, but here's the story of their struggle to regain some of what they've lost. There's Claire, whose parents' messy divorce has resulted in attempted suicide. Kristen's anorexic sister has left her family anxious and protective. Cam's there too, his dad arrested and his mom barely getting by. And of course Derrick. Mysterious, brooding Derrick who Massie has a hard time keeping out. But with her first love so recently dead, it can't be more than mutual friendship. Right?**

My boyfriend is dead. His name was Landon Crane, and I've never loved anyone the way I loved him. His death was a hard blow, and that's why I'm here, sitting among four other people each with their own problems they're being forced to share.

The boy beside me stands. His attitude is stoic and his words are soft, even though his appearance is tough.

"My name is Cam Fisher. My dad was abusing my mom."

Everyone's explanation is short and vague. Like me, no one is eager to spill their secrets and pain with a group of strangers. It's all Ms. Myner's idea, the lady in charge of us five 'troubled' teens. As Cam is last, she stands, clapping her hands together with a smile that's all too enthusiastic.

"And now we've met everyone," she says, glancing at the clock. Its three thirty- fifteen minutes until our first meeting is officially over. "Let's use the rest of the time to mingle, shall we? Remember, we're family now!"

I turn to Cam, but he's already gone, chatting quietly with a boy I vaguely remember as Derrick. There are two other girls, but they're both sitting in stiff silence. One is a girl named Kristen while the other I can't seem to remember. She's blonde, her pin- straight hair falling over her face and her straight- across bangs brushing against her eyes. I walk over to her in an attempt to make conversation.

"Hi," I say quietly. She looks up only once, her eyes a piercing blue.

"Hello." Her voice is sharp and understated, cutting through the low murmur of the room even at such a low volume.

"My name is Massie."

"Claire." Kristen looks over in what might be longing, but she remains silent, and so does Claire. These people aren't conversationalists, and once more the room falls into an awkward silence.

Finally Ms. Myner speaks. "Well it seems as though our time's up. Until tomorrow, everyone!"

There's a scattering of noise as everyone quickly gathers their things. As I walk through the door I brush against someone and I stumble away from them quickly.

"Sorry," I mumble, glancing up at them. It's Derrick, the tall brooding guy from which I only heard two words- Derrick Harrington- during the whole meeting.

He doesn't answer, and is out the door before I can react without even a second glance.

I end up walking home. The streets are quiet, even though it's almost four and most people should be heading home by now. The silence is only broken by the occasional shriek or laughter from a child running past me with glee.

A car zooms by, pauses, and then reverses. It idles by me, and I stop. It's Skye and Dylan, the radio blaring behind them. Skye is driving, and waves as Dylan rolls down the window and sticks her head out.

"Massie!" I offer a smile in response. I've been avoiding them since the funeral, mainly because their carefree attitude on everything makes me nauseous in my time of despair. "Do you need a ride?"

I shake my head, fingering a strand of hair. "Thanks, but no thanks."

Skye shoots me a worried look as Dylan shrugs. Skye knows me better, and that's why she senses my unease.

"Are you alright?" she asks, voicing her concern while Dylan doesn't bother to. When I nod, she looks unconvinced, but scoots the car forward. With one last look to confirm, she drives off.

I sigh and keep walking. We used to be best friends, but with Landon gone I've extracted myself from my old life. Now my presence is no longer expected at parties, and my absence is no longer questioned. I've faded from their minds.

As I turn into my driveway someone catches my eye. It's a boy, poised to step into my neighbor's house. Did he just that exchange? Strange, I think as he disappears inside, Ms. Linda doesn't have kids. Then again he didn't look too young, and yet he isn't old enough to be her lover. This is forgotten the moment my little brother jumps into my arms.

"Massie!" he exclaims as I lift him into my arms. I hug him, burying myself into his six- year- old cuteness.

"How are you, Danny?" I ask as I set him down. His face is full of boyish pride.

"I learned how to swim today," he announces as he takes my hand and leads me into the house. My mother is there, leaning over what seem to be cookies.

"That's great!" I say, trying to muster up enough enthusiasm to pass. Danny seems satisfied, and then turns to his newest interest- the cookie dough.

"Cookies?" My mom pushes the plate towards me while Danny helps himself to two. I grimace. My mom thinks the only method of comfort is comfort food. Emphasis on food.

"No thanks," I reply, shaking my head. "Maybe later."

She glances at me but drops it. That's how we are. A sea of unsaid words has created a rift between us since the divorce. It's not the same anymore.

"I'll be upstairs," I say, dragging my bag behind me. I step into my room and close my eyes, the door shut securely behind me.

Then I take out my phone, where multiple messages are waiting for me. I've been avoiding them, but I figure I might as well sort through them while I have the chance.

The first is my dad, who is busy in Florida with a new girlfriend and new house. "Hey, kiddo! How are you? Listen, I'm real sorry to hear what happened. How 'bout you come down to spend a week with Linda and me? It'll take your mind off things. Let me know!"

In his mind I'll always be the kid. A kid he can make happy just by offering a weekend visit. I shake my head, pressing delete. The next is from Ms. Myner.

"Hello, everyone! I'd like to invite you to a barbeque this Friday at my house with all your friends! It will be lots of fun and we'll talk about details tomorrow."

I hesitate. Fun? With the group I met today? Not likely.

I throw my phone onto the bed where it lands with a light thump. I can't help but think of what Landon and I would have been doing now. Lounging by the pool, maybe, or watching the sunset from my roof. Instinctively I glance at my window, the gateway to where it all began.

But I can't. Not without Landon there to gently wrap his arm around me as the last ray of light disappears. And yet I still find myself sliding open the window and removing the screen before scrambling out, something that's so familiar to me I want to cry.

I've spent a million times up there on that roof, but never alone. Never without Landon. The sunset is beautiful, but now there's no one but me to admire its hues.

"I miss you," I whisper, but no one's there to hear me. "I wish I was gone too."

My voice wavers and a tear escapes as I try to blink it away, but it's no use. Memories pour in from all sides, crumbling the wall I built with ease.

"Why did you leave me?" I'm talking to myself, but that's okay. There's no one interested in listening, anyway. "I loved you. I would have done anything for you!"

I pause, taking in shaky breaths. I've been avoiding the pain that's built up since his death, and now it's hard to even let a drop break free.

"You told me you loved me out here," I continue, and I almost feel Landon beside me. I look around, but the roof remains empty. It was just a chill. "With you gone, I don't know how I can keep living."

And that's as far as my outburst can go. I can't bear more, because then I'll remember his smile, the twinkle in his eye when he laughed, the way his- I stop. Someone is staring at me through Ms. Linda's top window. It's the same silhouette from this afternoon, but this time I'm able to place it. It's Derrick.

On impulse I raise my hand in greeting, but then I don't know what to expect. Will he respond? He simply turns away and lets the curtain fall, the night dark once again and the stars my only companions.

I climb back in, hurriedly wiping away the tears that have already half- dried. I'm startled to find Danny in my room, patiently waiting for me while he sits on my bed.

"Mom wants to see you," he says, ignoring my red eyes and tear-streaked face. We both learned to do that.

I nod and he jumps off the bed, gives me a quick hug, and is out the door.

I walk down slowly, taking my time. When I see my mom she's sitting at the table, eyes glazed over in deep thought and hands wringing the air. She's nervous about something. I clear my throat and she jumps, looking thoroughly startled.

"Massie! Sorry, I was just… how are you?" she asks as I take a seat. I regard her cautiously.

"Fine."

"Massie… I'm worried about you. I put you with Ms. Myner because of that. Is everything okay?" Here is my chance to tell her everything I feel, and yet I find myself unwilling to do so. My mom has been so distant I find myself wondering if I even really trust her.

"I'm fine," I insist. She's falters, and it's evident she's debating whether to pursue it or not. She decides on the latter, giving me a cautious smile.

"Are you sure?" And those are her final words. I can easily read them. I give her the answer she wants- the one where she can go on about her business without having to help, even if it is a lie.

"I'm fine.

**so what did you think? review si vous plait!**


	2. We've All Got Problems

**hey guys! so this is DEFINITELY a filler chapter. I wrote it down basically to get it out of the way. **

**So I was planning to thank my first reviewer but they were anonymous... so thanks to my second reviewer! loveurlife, thanks for the review!**

**disclaimer: I don't own the clique **

It's the day of Ms. Myner's 'Barbeque of Fun'. I groan at the thought and roll over in my bed, only to run into Danny. I nearly shriek, and he opens his eyes tiredly.

"Yeah?" he asks as if finding him in my bed should be the most normal thing in my life. I raise my eyebrows.

"What are you doing silly?"

"I had a bad dream," he whispers. "I got scared."

I look at his vulnerable expression and sigh, pulling him into a hug. "It's okay, honey. You're safe now."

He snuggles deeper into the covers, which are warm in the morning summer air. I look down at him with a gentle smile, and then carefully get up, cautious not to disturb him. By ten I'm ready to go, accompanied by a batch of cookies my mom has insisted I bring with me. I step out of the house, locking the door behind me.

In a small town like Westchester, virtually everything's within walking distance. Almost everyone lives in one of two neighborhoods. Ms. Myner lives in mine, just down the road and two streets over.

Derrick walks out as well, barely pausing when he sees me up ahead. I pause, unsure if I should wait for him to catch up with me. I finally decide to, and he falls in step with me with ease, still not bothering with words.

"Hi." I manage not to whisper, which is what I'm most tempted to do given the circumstances. He glances at me briefly before returning his gaze to the sidewalk.

"Hi."

It seems as though I'll be initiating the conversations today. Soon I give up, and silence ensues once more.

The 'party' is quiet, and like the day before no one is really talking. I drift over to Claire like before, and she offers a light smile.

"Fun party, right?" I mutter sarcastically. She laughs quietly, and so does Kristen, who's sitting near us.

"This is great girls! You guys should really get together sometime!" It's Ms. Myner, who's popped up behind us like a ghost. I resist the urge to jump, and instead smile.

"Ralph Lauren just opened at the mall," Kristen offers almost silently. Ms. Myner turns on her, nodding enthusiastically."That's a great idea! A shopping trip for you girls!" My eyes widen in surprise. A shopping trip, with these girls? And at the place I so often went with Landon and Skye and Dylan? Fun as it might turn out to be, it would be undoubtedly painful.

But finally Ms. Myner gets her way, and we make plans to meet the next day by the end of the party. Suddenly I find myself walking back with Derrick, who's still as silent as ever.

"I heard about your little shopping trip." For a second I look around wildly. Is Derrick really talking to me? But he is, watching me with a twinkle in his eye.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks to Ms. Myner," I manage to reply, and he nods in understanding. "That woman must take a five- hour energy every two minutes, judging by the way she acts."

He doesn't laugh- which I expected- but offers a small smile in response. I keep talking, fueled by his small yet rewarding responses. Soon I'm babbling, but he doesn't stop me.

"She named us Victims of Hurt. The name itself makes me feel ashamed to be a part of it."

"Pretty unoriginal," he agrees. "She should have used it as a bonding activity."

"Better than the ones she does now," I mutter with a smile. Here I am, talking to Derrick Harrington. We part ways unceremoniously, our relationship still hovering between strangers and acquaintances.

Danny has a friend over, and they both rush out to greet me with smiles.

"This is Harris!" Danny exclaims, showing me his new 'best friend'. Harris blushes and ducks behind Danny, whispering loud enough that I can hear.

"I saw her in the newspaper. My mommy said that she was hurt real bad." The smile slides off my face just as quickly as it appeared. Apparently everyone knows of my accident, even Danny's fellow six year old friends.

"Sorry 'bout that," I turn around and find myself face to face with Cam. "I'm here to pick up… hey, I know you!"

"Yeah," I reply, my voice still hollow from Harris' comment. "I'm in Victims of Hurt, like you."

"Lucky us, right?" Cam grins, and then turns to his little brother, who is now engaged in a game of tag with my brother. "C'mon Harris! It's time to go!"

Harris and Danny stop, both pouting slightly. "Now?" Harris whines. "But I'm it!" I resist the urge to smile and grab Danny's hand.

"Let's go, Danny. Say goodbye to Harris and come inside for dinner, okay?" Cam nods his thanks as Harris hesitantly walks away from Danny and towards his brother.

"See you tomorrow!" Cam calls over his shoulder as they make their way down the driveway.

"This is cute!" I'm standing with Kristen and Claire as Claire stands in front of the mirror, holding up a skirt. Claire's definitely loosened up, maybe because we aren't in session right now. Kristen nods in agreement, silent as usual. I stand and hand her a size down.

"This might fit better," I say, taking the old one from her. She laughs, shoving it back into my hands.

"I would never fit into that. Kristen, you try it on! You're like, stick thin!"

In any other circumstance that would have been a compliment. But to Kristen, it's not, and I suddenly remember why she's in the group: her sister is anorexic. The tension mounts as Kristen stands, not saying a word. By now Claire's realized her mistake, looking from Kristen to me with widened eyes.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry!" But Kristen is already out of the dressing room. I rush after, telling Claire to stay.

Kristen is sitting outside and thankfully not bolting away. I cautiously sit next to her.

"I hate when people ask if I'm okay," I say quietly. "And during the funeral those words became my theme song. It was horrible."

"The funeral?"

"Landon's. My boyfriend."

"Oh. I saw him once or twice, you know. He was nice, but always surrounded by the popular crowd." Kristen glances at me. "They aren't always the nicest." I know she doesn't mean me, so I ignore it.

"I loved him."

"I heard… I mean I know that you were in the car with him…" I can easily detect the ill- disguised interest in her voice. I nod.

"I don't like to think about it, but yes. I was in the passenger's seat."

"That must have been hard."

"It was. But like Ms. Myner said, we've all been through something."

"It's terrible. I hate to think that everyone…" she trails off, but I know how to finish it. Sometimes I wonder if I've suffered the most, but I can't say.

"Yeah, I know."

**so please don't hate this story once you've read this chapter. I had writer's block all day, and after this we can get back on track with the plot.**

**It caused me pain to read this chapter... so I might redo it completely. Or I might just move on and make the rest of the story. Probably the latter :).**

**also thanks to my other two reviews, from CrazyCountryLove3 and massingtonforever. I'm really glad you liked it, and don't be afraid to review more! That goes for everyone, people!**

**Again, sorry if this chapter hurt your eyes. I'll do better next time, I promise!**


	3. Looking Back: Imperfect Perfection

**I'm trying to post as much as possible (which basically means once a day) before school starts, which is wednesday (kill me now, please) Thanks for the reviews, keep 'em coming!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the clique :'(**

**Kauyeung24: this will definitely be a massington story, as their my favorite couple (did ya get that, Lisi Harrison?) and no, they aren't together, their brothers are just friends**

**if dreams could come alive: that's basically where I wanted to go with that chapter before I really got into the story :)**

Somehow Derrick and I have a regular routine scheduled. We walk to and from the meetings everyday together. Whether in silence or not is determined when we meet. He's actually pretty talkative when we're alone, I find.

"So I didn't know Linda had a son," I comment casually one afternoon. He glances at me, confused.

"Who? Oh, Linda. No, she's my aunt."

"Oh." I'm dying to ask, but I can't. If I do I'll be exactly what I despise, but the curiosity is so great I nearly bite my tongue. Luckily I don't have to.

"My parents were both involved in a car crash. I'm living with my aunt until college."

"I'm so sorry." The words sound emotionless coming from me, of all people. He only shrugs, the way I used to.

"It's not so bad."

He's especially jittery, I note as I watch him glance behind once for the fifth time. Usually he's calm and collected, quiet and reserved. But something's off today.

"Are you okay?" I ask when he reaches up and runs a hand through his hair. He looks at me as if startled.

"What? Oh, I'm fine."

His voice is unconvincing, but I drop. I've learned not to push our conversations too far. A shove too many and he shuts off, leaving the walk silent and awkward. But then again that's how I am, too.

I've finally found out. I don't have to ask if either of his parents survived, because I already know the answer from the slumped shoulders and downcast eyes that came with the news. I glance at him for any traces of lingering pain, but he's unreadable as always. I can never tell what he's thinking, or what he's going to do next.

"Do you want to see a movie with me tonight?" Like that. That was completely unpredictable, and I'm so stunned I don't answer. He immediately looks embarrassed, and a pink tinge touches his cheeks. "As friends, of course.I invited the others, and Kristen is the only one that can't make it."

"Uh, yeah. That sounds great." The tinge disappears as I propel the conversation forward. Somehow we get to Landon, and suddenly I run out of fuel. His question catches me off guard and I find myself staring at the pavement, thinking hard.

"I always feel like… like I should have gone in his place."

"It wasn't your fault, Massie," he replies quietly. Our light conversation has taken a serious dive. I shrug in response.

"Maybe if I'd insisted I drive that day would have turned out different. Maybe Landon would still be here."

"But you'd be gone."

"People like Landon's family- people I've known my whole life- maybe they feel that way. Like I should have taken Landon's place."

Derrick stopped walking, and I did too, surprised. "That's not true," he murmured softly. "You know that."

I ignore him. "How did you know about Landon?" I ask. "I didn't… I never told…"

He doesn't answer, and this time I know why. I never should have asked. It only reminds me that everyone in this town knows my story and the accident I'll always be associated with. Even Derrick, the new guy that just moved here, has heard the story.

"The minute I graduate I'm getting out of here," I mutter, to myself more than anything. At this he glances at me, nodding in agreement. "I can't stand this place."

I know he feels the same. Linda is nice, but she's not the motherly type. She's been single her whole life, and relationships never amount to anything but one night stands that leave early in the morning for her. I can't imagine what living with her is like, especially for him. Linda would always boast that she and her sister were practically twins, and I know Derrick must see it too.

"What did happen between you two?" Derrick asks. "Landon, I mean."

"He was my first love," I reply quietly. "He meant everything to me when my family was crumbling in the midst of the divorce."

He doesn't answer, leaving me to continue. I don't know what else to say, so I stray from the ordinary funeral speech.

"He loved his car. We drove everywhere, even if it was a minute's walk. He was driving when a drunk driver turned right and slammed into the driver's side. I was sitting right next to him the whole time and yet… here I am, completely fine."

"No, you're not."

"Excuse me?"

"You're not fine, and you know it."

"I hardly think you're a better judge of that than I am."

"Maybe not. But I know how you're feeling. You're shying away from the memory because you're guilty. Guilty that you're alive and well when he's-"

I stop him, shaking my head. I don't want to hear this from anyone, including him. It's not true. He falls silent, watching me with an unreadable expression. Like I said, one shove too many and he shuts down. He's already turning away, but instead of trying to take back whatever I said, I'm annoyed. Why is he the one offended if I'm the one stuck listening to his lecture? Maybe he does know what he's saying, but that doesn't mean I have to listen.

We stop in front of my house, and he just barely nods at me. It's a stiff gesture that makes me realize that whatever we may have just discussed, nothing's changed between us. I return it before stepping inside and shutting the door securely behind me.

That night is spent tossing and turning in my bed. For the first time in weeks the nightmares are back, more vivid and real than ever before.

_Landon runs a hand through his hair as I try to understand what he's saying._

"_You want to… break up?" I ask quietly. He sighs, his hand easing off the steering wheel to rest on my shoulder, but I shake it off. I want an answer._

"_Mass, I love you but… I just don't know what this is anymore."_

_I want nothing more than for the red light in front of us to change green so that he has to concentrate on the road and not this conversation._

"_I didn't you felt that way."_

"_Look, Massie, I'm sorry."_

_His eyes leave the traffic and connect with mine. For a second I think he's going to take back his words and laugh this all off as a joke. But something else happens. Behind him I catch a glimpse of a car turning right. The turn is messy and the driver, whose face can be easily seen, looks too happy and carefree._

"_Look out!"_

_It's too late. The turn, which was overshot by a pair of obviously intoxicated eyes, leads the car to slam right into ours, directly where Landon is sitting._

_His head is thrown to the side, and he's unconscious immediately. I can tell the hit was so hard the whole car moved, and even I feel dizzy. But I place the palm of my hand on Landon's head. It's wet with blood. How, I don't know. But then I'm slipping, sirens wailing in the distance and a crowd gathering._

"_Landon…"_

I jolt awake, swimming in my own sweat. It isn't over because that wasn't just a nightmare. It was real.

I cry into my sheets. Landon is really gone, and in his last moments I don't even know if he loved me or not. That's one part of the story no one knows. I try to think back to before it all fell apart, even before my parent's divorce, when Landon and I just met in the spacious halls of the Briarwood Octavian Day High School as freshmen. That memory seems fresh, too.

"_Excuse me," I turn from my new locker and find myself face to face Landon, who at the time was just known to me as 'my cute locker buddy.' "This is my locker."_

"_Oh, sorry," I reply, ducking under back to my locker. He reaches above me, and I once again roll my eyes at the idea of top and bottom lockers._

"_Ow!" He dropped a book on me! He gasps, quickly picking the Physics textbook off the ground. After sticking it back into his locker he turns to me with an apologetic smile._

"_Sorry about that."_

"_Oh, it's fine," I reply, standing with what I hope is a cute smile._

"_No, really. Let me make it up to you."_

"_You don't have to-"_

"_How about a movie Saturday?" I look at him with an amused and surprised expression. Although I barely know him, I can already tell he's direct. _

"_It'd be my pleasure."_

It all started with a cliché encounter.

And then my mind drifts to the times when Landon wasn't my Prince Charming. Those are the times I've tried to ignore when I think of him, but maybe I don't need to. Maybe it's okay to remember Landon exactly as he was, and not as my fairytale prince.

"_Massie, Alicia is nothing!" I stand with my arms crossed in front of Skye's house while the 'Party of sophomore year' rages on. Landon stands in front of me._

"_I feel like I can't trust you, Landon! She's my best friend!"_

"_She was a mistake, okay?" He takes a step towards me, anger gone. Then he closes his eyes and kisses me, long enough to get his point across but short enough that I don't have enough time to shove him away. "You're what matters to me."_

"_Landon…"_

"_I love you, Massie Block. Only you."_

I remember forgiving him almost immediately. He said he loved me- what else could I do?

Now I see our relationship as it really was. I always thought we were perfect- meant for eachother, molded by destiny. I ignored all the cracks and imperfections to hold onto that idea. But one thing is for certain.

I loved Landon Crane- imperfect or not, I didn't need anyone else. But whether that's still true, I'm not so sure.

**And now you know what happened to Massie, as well as Derrick. They're one sad bunch, wouldn't you say? Victims of Hurt, indeed.**

**So the end of this chapter was kind of about Massie and Landon's relationship in a nutshell (if you haven't figured that out yet) And if you're wondering where the other clique members fit into this (aka Alicia), you'll find out soon. I mean, I just mentioned that she **used** to be Massie's best friend.**

**Theyre going to the movies! And did you notice it's Cam and Claire, Derrick and Massie, as Kristen isn't going? Hmmm... wonder how that will turn out.**

**So if you're wanting some major Massington, you're going to have to wait. But we're getting there, as half this chapter was just their conversation. Until next time!**


	4. Movie Adventures and Hidden Notes

**hello again! i dont really have anything to say... so on with the story!**

**disclaimer: I dont own the clique or burlesque, which is an awesome movie filled with awesome singers singing awesomely :)**

I sit in the movie theatre, checking my phone for the third time. They're all late, and I've been waiting for at least ten minutes.

"Massie?"

I turn around and find myself face to face with Alicia and Olivia. Alicia's eyes are raised, as if she can't believe I'm actually here. I can barely see Olivia- she's practically hiding from me, and with good reason too.

"Hi."

"I haven't seen you in forever!" Alicia squeals, looking as though she might rush to hug me. I'm glad she doesn't though. Instead she just stands there, perhaps realizing what an awkward position she's put herself in. "Who are you here with?"

She glances around, but no one seems to fit her expectations.

"Me, actually." Claire is finally here. I can see the surprise in Alicia's eyes. Massie Block going to the movies with bookworm Claire, who spent most of her high school experience in the back of the room? But Claire looks good today with her hair down and a light pink dress.

"Oh. Well… have fun! I'll see you later?" Alicia doesn't need an answer, though, and turns away, Olivia scurrying after her.

"Friends of yours?" Claire asks when they're gone.

"Ha, no."

"Really? But I always saw you two together in school." She turns on me with a curious expression.

The truth is that I found out Landon was cheating on me for about three months with Olivia Ryan herself. She came up to me after the funeral and dropped the bomb while checking her mascara. Another point for imperfection in our relationship. Alicia knew, too, and didn't tell me. She thought it would only make things worse. Now I want nothing to do with them.

"We, uh, just drifted apart," is my reply. I have no desire to explain everything that happened between us. Claire nods in understanding, but I want nothing more than to change the subject.

"So what movie are we seeing?"

Claire holds up four tickets with an excited grin. I can see the name in big print- Burlesque? I'm not so sure Derrick and Cam will love this.

"I already bought the tickets; they can't do anything now." She laughs and I join, reveling in the feeling. It feels good to be here with her, even if she isn't a Skye or Alicia type of person.

"What?" Derrick and Cam step behind us, catching the end of Claire's sentence. They walk into the ticket line, but Claire shakes her head.

"I already got them. We're seeing Burlesque!"

I start to laugh again as I see their expressions. Cam stutters, shaking his head. Derrick just looks at me, and I'm reminded of our last conversation and where it left us. Maybe today we can make amends.

"No way, Claire. Are you serious?" Cam tries to grab the tickets but Claire shakes her head, still laughing. She starts walking, forcing us to follow. I already know that she'll get them to see the movie one way or another.

Their still complaining (and by 'they' I mean Cam) when we step into the movie theatre, but Claire shushes them and ushers them each into a seat. Cam goes first, followed by Claire, me, and then Derrick. Cam is still grumbling when the previews start, but the minute the movie starts he falls silent.

By the time the movie ends I can tell Cam liked it, even if he won't admit it. Claire smiles as he denies it for the third time.

"It was a good movie," Claire smiles as we walk out, Derrick trailing behind. I hang back and walk with him.

"What'd you think?" I ask as Claire and Cam round the corner. He just shrugs, stuffing his hands in his pocket. "Look, about yesterday…"

"It's okay. I shouldn't have said what I did."

"No, you were right. I should have listened."

"I said those things because that's how I feel sometimes." I look at him, surprised. His expression hasn't changed at all and he had already turned away, the conversation over before it had really even started.

When I get home Kendra isn't and Danny is still at Harris' house. I open the fridge, looking for something to drink when the front door opens, and peals of laughter float into the kitchen. I stand, glancing at the clock. It's my mother, and she's brought another friend.

I step out into the main hallway, where my mother is talking animatedly to a tall man with bushy eyebrows.

"Massie! This is Christopher." My mom smiles at me as Bushy Eyebrows offers a meaty hand. I only smile. "He's staying for dinner."

"Nice to meet you, Christopher. Actually, a few of my friends wanted to go out tonight so if that's alright with you…"

And those are the magic words. She won't say no. First of all, she's excited that I'm going out with my friends again (even if they aren't the same ones) and second that she gets some alone time with Christopher.

"That's fine honey. Just be home by eleven, alright?" She turns to Christopher with what's supposed to be an apologetic smile. "It looks like it will be just the two of us. My son is at a sleepover."

Christopher grins in an almost catlike way that makes me want to shudder. But instead I just wave and step out of the house.

Now what? Claire isn't meeting me for another hour. So I just start walking, straight to the park that used to be my favorite spot with Landon. I haven't been here since the accident. There are a few families here, kids swinging and sliding and climbing, but that's not what I'm interested in.

Landon and I used to have a special way of passing notes. Kind of childish, maybe, but we loved it. I run my hand along the bottom of the slide, feeling for the ridge we used to hide slips of paper high enough that little kids wouldn't be able to reach. I find it, but instead of being hollow and dusty a slip of paper flutters out, and I jump back in alarm. A nearby mom clucks her tongue, muttering something about crazy teenagers as she rolls her stroller away from me.

I take a step forward hesitantly. What if this isn't from Landon? What if it is? I pick it gingerly and slowly unfold it, recognizing the messy scrawl at once. It's Landon's, and judging from the date it's from about a week before it all happened.

_Mass,_

_Sorry I haven't been around lately. Finals are killing me, and thank god they're almost over. Do you remember what today is? It's our three year anniversary. I love you, Massie. See you around?_

_Landon_

I let it slip from my hands, watching as it whirls away in the wind. He said he loved me, but now I know he must have loved Olivia, too. I wish he was still here, but not so I can lie in his arms. So that I can ask him about everything that's happened to us, and what it meant to him, because it becomes more and more unclear with every passing day.

Something snaps me out of my thoughts. Derrick is running towards me, his face more animated than I've ever seen. His hair is wild from the wind and his expression wild from worry. His car is idling by the sidewalk. He runs to me, panting.

"Massie, we have to go!" He grabs my hand, pulling me towards the car. I allow myself to be led, mostly from the shock.

"Why? What's wrong?" He says nothing, ushering me into the car as he hops into the driver's seat. "Derrick, tell me what's wrong!"

He stops his frenzied actions, taking my hands and looking at me earnestly as he struggles to find the right words. "Massie… it's Danny. He was hit by a car."

**cliffhanger! (ish, at least)**

**can you believe the nerve of olivia? and Landon, too. **

**if you havent seen burlesque, go see it. Right now. I know you're tempted to.**

**Landon's gonna keep popping in and out of the story. I thought the note was almost in a way creepy- not because of what it said but because of how she found it but he's dead. Does that make sense? Maybe not... eh just forget it.**

**Ps- the more Massie starts to doubt who Landon was, the more she starts thinking of Derrick. And how derrick feels about her? That will be revealed very sooon... (hint hint)**


	5. You Weren't Always There

**Sorry for taking so long! Last week was the the first week of school, and I was super busy. So to make it up, I tried to make this chapter longer than normal. Thanks for the reviews! In particular someone named... potato? But hey, if you like my story who am I to judge what you like to call yourself? So keep 'em coming, and here's the next chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the clique or the two songs mentioned at the end (they're a part of Christina grimmie's new album, and btw she's awesome!)**

Even so I find myself running into the hospital the minute Derrick parks the car. I can hear him only inches behind me. I barely pause at the front desk, only hearing what I need to know before I'm off sprinting once more.

I slow in front of Danny's room. Then, with a deep breath, I push the door open.

Immediately I feel better. Danny is sitting up with the doctor, a bright green cast on his left arm and a goofy grin on his face. When he sees me his smile widens.

"Massie! Look at my cast!" He exclaims, proudly shoving it in front of my face. I give him a small smile, relief oozing into me. "Ms. Canter says I can go home soon, and then you can sign it real big!"

The doctor must be Ms. Canter smiles and nods towards the door. "We'll be right back, okay Danny?" she says, her hand resting on the doorknob. Danny nods, lying back onto the bed.

"Mr. Danny was extremely lucky," she says once the door is closed. "He came out of the hit with minimum damage. Now, are you his legal guardian? Because the young man who brought him hear said he was not in any way related to him."

"No, I'm not. My mother, Kendra Block, is on her way."

"Oh, good. If you'll follow me, I can give the paperwork to hand to her when she comes in." She turns down the white hallway without even glancing at Danny's room, and I have no choice but to follow her. Along the way my phone rings, and she waits patiently as I answer.

"Hello?" It's my mom, and she doesn't sound worry at all. In fact, there's something in the background that sounds almost like a giggle. I'm disgusted. "Mom, where are you? I'm at the hospital, with Danny!"

"Massie, honey, is that you? I'm at home with Christopher." She's drunk, and her voice is so loud the doctor can probably hear it. I roll my eyes, let an annoyed breath out through my teeth.

"You need to come here, now. I'm serious." Her response is an amused laugh.

"I can't possibly leave, Massie darling! You're a big girl- you don't mind taking care of everything for me, do you?"

"No, I do mind! You have to-"

"Goodbye, dearie!"

She hangs up before I can get another word in and I sigh, turning back to the doctor whose eyebrows are scrunched.

"Something wrong?" she asks, handing me the packet of forms.

After some convincing she lets me walk out with Danny, after about one hour of disagreements. He smiles up at me as we climb into my car, and I decide I can't let him go home to our mom, who is most definitely drunk right now.

I call Derrick, who is already home. He answers on the second ring, and I put it on speaker as I turn out of the hospital.

"Hey," he says. "Are you out of the hospital?"

"Yeah, but I was wondering if I could maybe drop Danny off at your house. I… I have to talk to my mom." If he catches the meaning, he doesn't react.

"Sure. Just drop him off."

"Thanks."

I catch Danny's eye in the rearview mirror and smile. "Let's go visit, Derrick, okay?" He nods and then looks out the window.

"Is something wrong?" I ask, catching his dejected expression.

"Where's mommy?" he asks quietly, finger trailing along his cast. "Why wasn't she with us?"

My words catch in my throat, and I try to smile.

"You know how busy she is," I tell him. "I promise when you get home she'll be waiting with a big smile."

His expression brightens. "Really? You promise?"

I nod, wishing I could be as easily consoled as he can. He falls back onto the seat, satisfied, as I turn into Derrick's driveway. Derrick's waiting by the door and waves as I unbuckle Danny.

"Hi, Derrick!" he yells as he jumps out of his seat. Derrick smiles at him and then turns to me.

"Hi, Massie." He's a lot more open today, I note as he smiles at me. "Are you going to be okay?" He knows something's wrong- he's not as easily as Danny. But I smile anyway and climb into my car.

"I'm fine. My mom needs my help, that's all. I'll pick Danny up soon; thanks, by the way." He takes a step back as I pull out of his driveway.

When I open the garage door I see Christopher standing on the front steps, kissing my mother who is holding the door open. I want to puke. How can my own mother stay at home with her apparently- new boyfriend when her son is in the hospital? With this is mind I slam the door a little harder than intended, and they jump apart. Christopher climbs into his sports car as my mom closes the door, not making eye contact with me.

I step inside the kitchen and she's there, silently cleaning away her dinner. Maybe it's wrong to be mad at my mother, but I can't help it. She should have been there, but instead she was here, reeking of alcohol.

" I hope you're sober." My words come out like a snarl, but she doesn't react, silently stacking the plates.

"Where's Danny?" she asks quietly. I hiss.

"Where do you think? I wasn't about to let him near you while you're intoxicated."

"He's my son, and you're my daughter."

"Both of which you practically abandoned when they needed you most, if you recall." The last plate is stacked a bit louder than normal and she ignores me as she walks to the sink.

"What's this about, Massie?"

"What's this about? This is about how Danny could have been _dead_, and you didn't even care!"

"He was fine, Mass."

"And could you have known for sure? You didn't even bother to care!"

At this she looks up, but I'm angry. This woman who's ducking from her responsibility as a parent is my mother.

"I care, Massie. But how easy do think life is for me? I'm a single mother raising two children!"

"And that's your excuse for lounging around with your new boyfriend while your son is in the hospital?"

"Don't speak to your mother like that, Massie Jillian Block. I love my kids, and I'm always there when they need me?"

I snort in disgust, turning away. "You're never there, Kendra."

Maybe it's my use of her first name that makes her stiffen and turn away. I shake my head and walk away from her, out the door to talk to Claire.

Claire answers on the first ring. "Hey, Massie. Where were you? Kristen and I were waiting for you."

"I'm sorry. I had some… family drama to deal with."

"It's fine. I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow, though?"

"Yeah. Ms. Myner says she has a surprise for us."

"Sounds good. See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

I end the call and turn towards Derrick's house. He opens the door on my second knock, and Danny pops up behind him.

"Ready to go?" I smile at Danny. He nods, and takes my outstretched hand, waving goodbye to Danny.

As we step inside I see our mom disappearing into her room. Danny sees her too, and calls out.

"Mommy! There you are!" She pauses, her hand resting on the handle. Danny's steps falter as he spots her expression.

"Not now, okay Danny?" she says stiffly. My eyes flash in disbelief as Danny stops, looking crestfallen. "I'm tired." She disappears, holding her head tiredly.

"Danny, I'm sure-" I stop as Danny runs upstairs. I sigh, running after him, but his door is locked. I slump down against the door but it's an hour before he opens up, dressed in his pajamas.

I stand, sighing in relief. "Are you okay?"

"Mommy broke her promise."

"Danny… Mommy is really tired."

"But why?"

"She has a lot of work to do. She has to take care of us."

"But you're always here, and you take care of me."

"I know. But Mommy is trying." Danny sighs and nods, reaching up to kiss my cheek before whispering goodnight.

"Goodnight, Massie."

"Love you, Danny."

The next day I scramble out the door, barely pausing to say goodbye to Danny and see him off to preschool. I'm late for the meeting, and when I close the door behind me I'm surprised to see Derrick waiting for me. I assumed he would have just gone on, but here he is, waiting expectantly.

"Sorry I'm late," I breathe, reaching up and quickly pulling my hair into a ponytail. He just shrugs, and we start walking.

"You okay?" he asks, glancing at me. I attempt a smile, but keep my eyes on the sidewalk.

"I'm fine."

He raises his eyebrows, but chooses not to comment as we keep walking.

Ms. Myner beams at us as we step inside, and I take the empty seat between Kristen and Claire. Derrick sits on the edge, by Cam.

"Hi everyone!" Ms. Myner claps her hands together. "So now that we've had a chance to 'bond', here's where the fun will start. Who loves music? Everyone, right? Music is our key to recovery."

I exchange a glance with Kristen. What is Ms. Myner up to now?

"And that's why to close up our program…." Ms. Myner smiles in anticipation. "We'll be having a concert!"

Claire's jaw drops. "A concert?"

"Yes! And all of you will perform, we'll invite the town and we'll donate the money to the local orphanage."

"Sounds great," Cam interjects, and everyone but Ms. Myner catches his sarcasm. She smiles at him.

"I'm glad you think so. Now, you can write songs OR do covers, but it'd be great if you could find a song you relate to. And that's all there is to it! Get started!"

By the end of the meeting I have a song ready, and by the looks of it so does Claire. She walks over to me, expression serious as she clutches a sheet of paper.

"Hi," I smile, turning away from the computer I was using to search. "Did you find a song?"

Claire bites her lip. "I have these songs I wrote when my parents were in the midst of their divorce. I thought one or two might be good for the concert. What do you think?"

"Original songs? That's sounds great," I reply as she hands me the paper. I scan the lyrics silently.

"It's called Counting. (**this ACTUALLY belongs to Christina Grimmie, people)** I… I wrote it for my mom when she was… well I never got the chance to give it to her."

"Your mom?"

"She, uh-"

"You don't need to tell me." She gives me an understanding glance and shrugs.

"It's okay. My dad was having an affair and… she tried to kill herself. It wasn't pretty."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I wrote this song for her when she was gone. Do you like it?"

I hand the sheet back to her, nodding. "It's amazing. You should definitely sing it."

Cam approaches from behind Claire, lightly tapping her on the shoulder. When she turns he clears his throat awkwardly.

"Uh, hi. I just… I talked to Ms. Myner because I don't want to sing, but she said I have to. So… I was thinking… maybe we could do a duet?"

"Sure. Uh, do you have one in mind?"

"I found this song, Unforgivable, and it sounds really great." (**yep, you guessed it. Unforgivable is another song by Christina Grimmie)**

They head away from me, still discussing their new duet as I turn back to the computer.

"Any luck?" Derrick has magically appeared behind me, and I almost jump in surprise. I smile, though, running a hand through my hair.

"Uh, not yet. What about you?"

He just shrugs, sitting next to me.

"So, Linda wants to meet you."

"Your aunt?"

"Yeah. She invited you to dinner tonight." I think about my recent argument with my mom, how Danny isn't home, and how I don't want to suffer through a dinner with her without Danny to break the ice.

"Sounds great."

**A concert? and hint hint the actual concert will be the last chapter of this story. But that should be a while away.**

**But anyway, I reaaly like Christina grimmie and her bff Sarah the Happlesful on youtube. They have these videos called Above All That Is Random (1,2, and 3!) that are really funny and random (but I love them anyway) So, check that out if you get the chance. **

**Fyi, because I like Christina Grimmie so much right now, I might make all of their concert songs songs of hers... with some other artists splashed in there too. But if you have a song that you want to see at the concert (aka lyrics written on the screen as you envision Clique characters singing), just review and I'll check them out. :)**


	6. You Make Me Dizzy

**hey there! So sorry for the wait, and I knwo thios is a SUPER short chapter, but I just wanted to get it out there. So, even though its super short, try to enjoy and not get annoyed with me... please.**

**disclaimer: I dont own the clique**

The front of Linda's house is spacious and bright, and she welcomes me in with a warm smile. This throws me off guard. Where is the dingy- looking, nosy neighbor my mom loves to talk about? Not here, apparently.

"Massie! It's so nice to see you again," Linda says as we walk down the hallway and into the kitchen. Derrick is there, stirring slowly in a pot.

"Thanks for having me. How can I help?" She beams, handing me a knife and some tomatoes. Then she turns to Derrick.

"Go help Massie and let me handle this," she says in a low voice, but I catch it anyway. I also catch Derrick's annoyed but amused sigh, which makes me smile.

"Hey," I say when he approaches. He just nods in response, and I find myself sad that he's still so unresponsive.

After dinner Linda ushers us upstairs while she cleans the dishes. We walk up to his room.

It's definitely not what I expected. Instead of posters of teams and bands plastered on the walls, it's quite bare and the only real decoration is a small picture frame on his dresser. I know what it is already; a picture of his mom and dad that he's brought into the meetings before. He sits on the bed silently, watching me as I look around.

"I'm leaving soon," he explains. "As soon as summer's over."

The words hit me harder than expected. Derrick really has become one of my best friends. '_And nothing more_," I add silently.

"Oh. Where will you go?"

"I've been admitted into a year-long study abroad program in Paris."

"Wow. Congratulations, Derrick. Does anyone else know?"

"Just Cam."

He looks like he wants to say something. Something important. I hold my breath, half hoping and half dreading what he'll say next. I sit next to him, and our hands are centimeters apart. I'm waiting.

"Cam really likes Claire." Well that certainly wasn't what I was expecting. But I raise an eyebrow in surprise.

"Claire? With Cam? I should have seen that coming." He lets out something between a laugh and a snort.

"Yeah. And it turns out they're both going to Westchester University. How convenient."

"Oh yeah. Claire has to… she has to stay with her mom." He nods silently. Claire's mother isn't something we often discuss. She almost went crazy after she found out about her husband's affair, and nearly tried to kill herself. Claire has to stay close to her.

"I'll miss everyone," I say. He's somehow much closer than I expected, and even though warning bells are going off, I stay where I am.

"Everyone?" he whispers, closer still. His breath makes me shiver inside, and I know what's about to happen…

"Derrick! Come down here with Massie, please!"

His lips are millimeters from mine, but as soon as Linda calls his eyes fly open and he curses. He leans away from me, avoiding my gaze as I take a deep breath to steady myself. What just happened?

"Derrick! Now, please!" He curses again, running a hand through his hair as he takes a cautious glance towards me. I return it calmly.

"We should probably go…" I say, standing as he does the same. He's out the door first because my mind is buzzing.

Derrick was about to kiss me, but I was about to let him? Will he try again? Would I stop him? Do I want to? I remember the proximity and let out a shaky breath. I need time to think clearly. Landon is flashing through my mind right now, and I feel overwhelmed. Have I really let go of Landon so quickly?

**more landon vs derrick thoughts in Massie's head. What will happen next? Well, I'll try to update in less than a week. So, sorry for the wait again guys! have a good labor day!**


	7. Letting Go is harder Than Saying Hello

**Anybody there? I kind of forgot about this story... *sheepish/ guilty smile* But I finished it up because I really hate how I get so close to finishing a story and then get consumed by another idea. So if the ending is a little rushed, I truly apologize. But this isn't it- one more chapter.**

I collapse onto my bed. It's been three days since my encounter and I haven't seen Derrick since. The meetings have been on hold because Ms. Myner is currently with her husband in Paris, visiting her sister.

The phone buzzes on my nightstand and I reach for it, groaning. I'm tired, and my mother's blooming romance with Christopher isn't helping things. In fact, my mother and I are barely on speaking terms. Sure, we go about our business like we always do, but there's something wrong. There's a tension in the air that's never been there before. But now it's suffocating us, squeezing us so tight there's barely room to breathe.

It's Claire, wondering if I'll go down for lunch. I fire back a quick reply, heave myself out of bed, and check my reflection in the mirror. When I get there I see it's not only Kristen and I, it's Derrick and Cam, too. Oh, great.

Claire stands at a table set for five, smiling at me. Cam smiles and Kristen gives a hug, but Derrick does nothing more than nod at me. Trying not to feel discouraged by this gesture, I take the seat next to him.

"Hey."

He blatantly ignores me and my shoulders sag as I turn back to my menu. What's wrong with him? His gaze flickers between Cam and Claire and the guy Kristen has brought along- Dune or something.

"I gotta tell you something," he says in a low voice. He barely glances at me. "It's really important."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." There's a moment's pause as I wait for him to speak. "I… do you remember that Paris trip I mentioned?"

"Yeah… what about it?"

"They… they called today. Said the program was starting early."

I keep my eyes on our other friends, who are ignoring both of us, taking a sip of my water quietly. "How early?"

"Next Tuesday." At this I stare at him, a crease forming between my eyebrows.

"But… the concert." And I don't just mean that. I mean our friendship that's bloomed in the past weeks. I mean the bond we've developed that could quite possibly be cut by a year abroad.

"I know. But I can't say no."

"I'm happy for you, really. I just…"

Derrick nods, glancing around the table before standing. Everyone falls silent, waiting for him to speak. He glances at me before clearing his throat quietly.

"I just need some time alone… with Massie. Order for us? We'll be outside for a while." He holds out his hand I take it, confused as I spot Cam's knowing glance with Claire.

Once outside he stalls for a few moments before clearing his throat.

"Look… I never thought that I'd ever want to stay here. But now that I finally have the opportunity to leave, I have something tying me to this place, and I'm reluctant to leave."

"Your friends," I clarify. "They're what are holding you back."

"You're holding me back. I can't leave you, Massie."

At this my head feels light, and he's suddenly closer than ever before. I can barely think of a response before he pulls me into his arms, no words needed.

After what feels like a long time, I pull away. "You have to leave," I tell him, even though it hurts me. "You're more than I ever wanted, but how could I live with myself if I was the only thing standing between you and your dreams?"

"Massie…"

"No, no.," I say with a tone of finality. "You're going. You must." My voice cracks and I have to remind myself that I'm doing what's best for him. Staying here isn't an option.

"We have a week," he finally sighs, and that's when I know he's finally accepted it. "A week to spend together."

"We've had the whole summer," I remind him with a weak smile. "We just took it for granted."

He nods, leaning forward. For a moment I think he's going to kiss me, but he just reaches forward to catch my hand in his own. This feels different from being with Landon- more hesitant, less sure, as we both have barriers that have yet to be broken down- but it feels just as right.

The days that follow are like a dream. We spend every moment we can together, and my affection for him grows with each passing moment. I don't love him yet, I know; the pain of Landon is still haunting me even during these peaceful days. But I know that I'm close, and I know that when he leaves I'll miss him just as much as I missed Landon.

The day he leaves I go with him to the airport, never once letting go of his hand on the way there. Linda is driving, trying her best not to glance at the mirror to watch us with intrigued eyes. I can see that she's pleasantly surprised by the change in her nephew; I know I am. He's more open now, and rarely closes back up the way he used to.

When we reach the gate Linda gives him a tight hug before going off to see about 'the luggage policy'. And that leaves Derrick and me alone. We aren't trying to be that cliche couple that stages a romantic scene in front of the airport gate, but it turns out that way. I try not cry, but I'll miss him. He's been ripped from me so suddenly, and I wish we had more time together.

"I'll see you soon," he promised me, sealing it with a kiss on the cheek. I nod, but I'm fighting back tears, and he knows it. He moves to envelope me in one of his warms hugs that I've grown used to, and his quiet whisper tickles my ear. I already know what he's going to say, and he already knows my answer. But he insists on asking it again and again, even though I know he agrees with my response every time.

"Tell me to stay, and I won't go."

I manage a sad smile and shake my head. I can see the silent battle waging within him- not wanting to leave but not wanting to stay. It's been raging all this time, and I hate to see him like this. I'll be the strong one in this situation, if it's come to this.

"It's only a year," I reminded him. "I'll miss you like crazy, but summer will be here soon."

"Not soon enough," he mumbles, but he moves towards the gate as the flight attendant starts taking tickets. He trails his finger along my jawbone, lingering before falling limpy to his side. I don't want him to leave; not now. Not ever.

"Practice that French," I remind him in an attempt to stay composed. He gives me a half amused look, shaking his head. "Are you going to wait for Linda?"

He shakes his head. "She can be a bit emotional. I'll just… I'll just go."

He turns slowly, and he's barely taken two steps when a heartbroken tug pulls on my heart and I cry out, "Wait!"

He's barely turns around when I fly towards him, giving him a loving kiss. Tears flow through my closed eyes as he wraps his arms around me tightly. We both pull away, and I lean my head against his chest, not caring that people are starting to stare.

"Massie…"

"I'm sorry. I just… I don't know what came over me. Go, go." I practically push him away and desperately try to wipe away my tears. "Call me when you get there, okay?"

He looks as though he wants to say more- and for a second I'm half hoping he will. But then he hesitates. He looks down at his hands and nods slowly. "I… I can't do this."

"Derrick… You can! I know-"

"No, no, I really can't. I thought moving to Linda's would be the perfect place to shut myself out of life and be alone… but of course you had to live next door. I can't lose another person I care about."

I reach up to his face with a sad smile. "You aren't losing me anytime soon, Derrick. I won't allow that. But you can't pass up this chance, you got that? Now… now, go on that plane, and don't look back."

"Thank you," he whispers as he leans in for another kiss. "I'll be home soon."

And then he's gone, and I'm forced to remind myself that unlike Landon, he'll be back.


	8. And It All Ends

**Short and sweet.**

**Epilogue**

It's been two years since I last saw Derrick. His stay in Paris turned into a long- term job offer that he couldn't refuse. We broke it off about two months afterward, saying we needed time to find ourselves. In reality I was in love with a British foreign exchange student that wanted nothing but my money. When he left, I realized how foolish I had been by letting Derrick slip away. He was the true love I should have had but didn't.

And what of Kendra? She's remarried, but I don't see much of her or my new stepdad, William. Danny still lives there, although Linda says she probably sees more of him than Kendra does. My mom and I have reached a silent agreement not to fight anymore, but whenever I come home, the tension is still there. I don't think I will ever accept her as the kind of mother she is. Although William is a good guy, he rarely contacts me more than absolutely necessary.

The University of Chicago is where I ended up going. It was a place far away from where anyone knew me and my infamous yet unfortunate story, and that was fine by me. By now I know that everyone has something to hide, and I was happy to blend right in.

Where am I now? In the summer two years after I met Derrick, I'm underneath the Eiffel Tower, wringing my hands nervously and pacing back and forth. Let's back up.

During my freshmen year in college I was approached by my professor who needed a representative in a meeting held in Paris. I'll be honest- when he said Paris, my heart sped up, and I said yes almost immediately.

So I called Derrick up, in hopes that we could see eachother, and maybe, just maybe, we could start again.

"_All__ô__!"_

"_Derrick? It's me… Massie Block."_

"_Massie? How are you?" His voice is strained, unlike when he first answered and my identity was a mystery as opposed to being the girl who broke his heart. "I haven't heard from you in… in a long time."_

_I try to laugh, to keep the conversation light, but it turns into a dry cough halfway up my throat. "Yeah. I just called because, well, I have a conference in Paris and I was wondering if you were free the week of the fifteenth through the twenty- second. Maybe we could meet for coffee or something?"_

_He responds eagerly to this, and I almost want to blurt out how much I miss him, but I can't so I don't. As we bid goodbye I hang up the phone, my head falls to my hands. I never realized just how much I missed him until I heard his voice._

"Massie?" I turn around and find myself face to face with Derrick, and for a moment I can't anything but stare.

He's changed, oh yes, but he's still the boy I knew two years ago. For a moment there is a silence that passes between us, and then I'm in his arms. Suddenly tears are flowing and I press my head into his neck.

"I missed you so much," he whispers, and I can do nothing but nod in agreement. "I never stopped thinking of you."

"I was wrong," I croak. "Please, please give me another chance. Please."

"You never lost the first one, " he smiles, reaching to stroke my hair.

Everything ends as it should. I end up moving to Paris to live Derrick, bringing Danny with me. We still make annual visits to the U.S. to visit good friends, like Claire, Kristen. And after college I got a job doing something I never thought I'd love- therapy. Now, it's my job to help people just like me, and I finally appreciate Mrs. Myner and everything she did. I can't help but wonder if she ever lost anyone, too.

**I have to admit, I'm not really happy with this story. I would have liked to develop the other characters, like Claire and Cam, for examply, a bit better. But for the time being, I'll it as is. I hope you liked it!**


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